I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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