my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
