highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
