So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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