btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
