I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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