I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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