Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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