She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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