You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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