Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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