It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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