Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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