Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
