Already got asked if we're dating
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
false alarm. still invincible.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Your penis caused this!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
