I think I just saw someone hide a body.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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