nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
