is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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