New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I wish you could order shots online.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
