you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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