question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize