apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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