The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
