I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
