Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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