Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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