Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
