She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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