just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Sober January is a disaster.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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