i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
