It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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