Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
