not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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