Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
