My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
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