Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
