I smell stomach acid.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
