Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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