His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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