And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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