i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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