Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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