Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
