he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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