Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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