Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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