I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
