There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
