he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
