those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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