so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
