can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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