I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
