I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
