6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
