fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
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