I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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