No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
