did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
