Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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