Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
