Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
is wine microwaveable?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
