He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
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