I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
