i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Randomize