So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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