im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
