New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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