what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
