In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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