ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
