Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
